About

THE HOPLITE PROSPECTUS

Our Mission Statement: Think Dense

tower-small

The people behind Acreopolis Enterprises want to empower you. Even when you find yourself living small, we want you to think big. Or more precisely, we want you to think dense.

All across America, we propose to build self-contained cities of the future on one acre parcels. These cities will be self-contained, self-sufficient, self-financed and self-referential. Acreopoli represent true 21st Century Cities of Tomorrow, and as such blend a commitment to modern technology and global commerce with an exuberant attachment to the authentic experience of irrationality and inequality.

In keeping with the principle that Density is a Virtue, each Acreopolis will be home to exactly 1,000 citizens, known as Hoplites. The Sierra Club defines a “dense urban” environment as 400 households per acre. Assuming an average household size of 2.5 persons, 1,000 people thus represents the ideal population.

Transforming America, One Acre at a Time

For any owner of a single acre of land – that’s 43,560 square feet, or 208.7 feet squared – we propose developing a new town of more than one million square feet, at floor-to-area-ratios exceeding 25.0, casting aside the decidedly Nineteenth Century concepts of light and air. This town will feature all of the conveniences of any modern city. But it won’t stop there. The Acreopoli Team understand that the modern urban dweller seeks authenticity. In keeping with that spirit, we have engineered a complex social fabric that will include diverse uses catering to all walks of life. And unlike the typical stratified city of the past, these diverse uses and users will be distributed randomly, representing the ultimate democratic principles and fair share practices. Pre-schools will be located next to Brothels. Waste treatment facilities will be integrated into high-rise residential facilities. The homeless will be invited to pitch tents in the halls outside million dollar apartments. Metal fabricators will share co-working space with dentists. Thus while preserving a tried-and-true model of extreme economic disparity, Acreopoli will ensure urban vitality through random interaction, yielding the tightly controlled chaos so prized among modern pilgrims to our cities.

Hoplites

Charles Fourier, the French philosopher and Utopian amorist, developed a complex theory of social interaction that has played a fundamental role in the preparations and practicalities of Acreopolis Enterprises. But while Fourier organized his collectivist society into “Phalansteries” populated by “Harmonians,” each Acreopolis will adhere to the ad hoc individualist mentality of any true entrepreneurial society. Residents of Acreopoli will therefore be known as “Hoplites,” after the Ancient Greek infantrymen who made up the Phalanx.

hoplite
A Traditional Hoplite

Boyle’s Law

gas-pumpIn addition to its irrefutable socio-historical underpinnings, Acreopolis relies on the scientific foundations articulated in the theories of Seventeenth Century Irish chemist Robert Boyle. Boyle’s Law states that the absolute pressure exerted by a given mass of an ideal gas is inversely proportional to the volume it occupies if the temperature and amount of gas remain unchanged within a closed system.

Mathematically, Boyle’s law can be stated as:

boyles-law

There are several components of Boyle’s Law that characterize Acreopoli.

  1. Each Acreopolis represents a completely closed system.
  2. Boyle’s Law can be summarized as ‘the more pressure you’re under, the denser you get.’ This concept epitomizes the Spirit of Acreopolis.

Newfound Resilience

No new town in the 21st Century should be unprepared for the Apocalypse. That’s why each Acreopolis will be fully self-sufficient at every level. While some might argue that developing new infrastructure from scratch is both cost prohibitive and wildly redundant, every American knows first-hand the dangers of relying on a fragile network of uncoordinated, aging utilities. Since the days of Emerson and Thoreau, Americans have embodied the ideal of Self-Reliance, and in the spirit of Walden Pond, each Acreopolis will fend for itself. What does this mean? Through a complex array of fossil fuel and renewable resources, including but not limited to Coal, Natural Gas, Thermonuclear Reactors, Photovoltaic Panels, Wind Turbines, Geothermal Tubes and Waterfalls, each city will create its own Grid. In flood zones, Acreopoli will be encased in a 25’ steel-reinforced concrete perimeter retaining walls. In arid regions, deep well drilling into aquifers will ensure a constant supply of fresh water and pits of flame retardant foam will surround each city. Hydroponic greenhouses, state-of-the-art fish farms and factory farm free-range chicken coops will provide ample resources for the population.

Public Safety and Security

The Builders of Acreopoli are deeply committed to the Personal Safety and Security of every resident. That is why all visitors to the new metropole will be subject to indefinite detention prior to being allowed in. During this detention period, visitors will be subject to a variety of invasive prodding, not excluding physical and psychological torture. High intensity florescent lights will be kept on at all times in the Visitor Detention Facility and Nickelback will be played in an ongoing loop at a loud volume to prepare detainees for imminent deportation to Canada. It is our belief that this will dramatically reduce incidents of crime perpetrated by outsiders. Redundant closed-circuit cameras will also be directed at all public, semi-public, semi-private and private spaces at all times

Income Diversity

In order to assure economic viability, each Acreopolis must conform to a precise economic format, meaning that Hoplites must be spread across income brackets according to a clear plan. Acreopolis will implement a flat tithe of 14%, a percentage point below the current capital gains tax rate, which we believe will attract high net worth individuals from across the globe who might not otherwise entertain relocating. This economic distribution – which will function somewhat like an Indian Caste system — must be as follows:

Moguls ($1 Billion+): 1
Mega-Millionaires ($100 MM – $999MM): 4
Multi-Millionaires ($10MM – $99MM): 5
Conventional Millionaires ($1MM – $9MM): 25
Working One Percenters ($500,000 – $1 MM): 135
Yuppies ($150,000 – $499,000): 200
Strivers ($75K – $149K): 250
Toilers ($35K – $74K): 200
Grunts ($10,000 – $34,999): 150
Destitutes ($1000 – $9,999): 100
Untouchables ($0 – $999): 20

Although affordable housing units will be included in the development mix, it is assumed that some portion of those in the bottom three castes will constitute the ranks of the homeless, including all of the Untouchables. These residents will be permitted to roam Acreopolis Street and the halls of buildings at will, subject to forced relocation by other residents or the Governing Council.

Weights and Measures

  1. Variations on the Acre

The acre is the central unit behind Acreopoli. The acre is the land area that can be ploughed by an ox team in a day, in England. This unit of measure is akin to the French Journal and the German Tagwerk. As such, transpositions of Acreopoli to those countries would be known as Journalville and Tagwerkstadte, were such transpositions advisable, which they are not.

Larger iterations of Acreopoli are possible, as follows:

Bovateopoli: The bovate is the area that can be ploughed by one ox in one year, equivalent to 15 acres. Similar to the Danish Oxgang. Bovateopoli will be home to 15,000 people.

Hideopoli: The hide is the area that can be cultivated by a plough team of 8 oxen in one year, equivalent to 64 acres. Hideopoli will be home to 64,000 citizens, and will therefore also be known as Megaacreopoli.

  1. The Metric System

The metric system is strictly forbidden in Acreopolis.

  1. Traditional Weights and Measures

While traditional American weights and measures (feet, pounds, ounces, Fahrenheit, etc.) will be permitted, Acreopolis Enterprises will encourage Hoplites to become conversant in more traditional and relativistic measures. These will include:

  • The Palm: 3 inches.
  • The Shaftment: 6 inches (6.5 inches until the 12th Century, but the modern Shaftment will be deemed more reasonable).
  • The Cubit: 2 spans, 28 digits. Elbow to middle finger tip, or approximately 18 inches.
  • The Megalithic Yard: 2.72 feet.
  • The Rod: 5.5 yards.
  • The Quire: 24 sheets of paper.
  • The Wisp: A few straws used to tie around the center of a bundle.
  • The Fother: A cartload by weight, 40 bushels by volume.
  • The Jar: Electrical capacitance measure based on the Leyden Jar. A standard Admiralty glass pint tankard covered with tin-foil as the outside electrode and filled with 1 pint of brine as the inside electrode had a capacitance of about 1 Jar.
  • The Sack: Five fotmal of lead weight, or 364 pounds of wool.
  • The Slug: 32.172 pounds, a mass numerically equal to the acceleration of gravity.
  • The Delisle Scale: Temperature scale developed by Joseph-Nicolas Delisle in which 0 degrees represents the boiling point of water (or 212 degrees Fahrenheit) and moves on an inverted scale to 150 degrees, the freezing point of water (or 0 degrees Fahrenheit).
ark
Noah’s Ark: 30 Cubits High

Employment Diversity

Charles Fourier set out the basis for the Acreopolis concept of tightly planned employment diversity, driven by the three mechanizing passions described by Fourier as follows:

The Cabalist: The intriguing or dissident passion.
The Butterfly: The alternating or contrasting passion.
The Composite: The exalting or mechanizing passion.

However the agrarian aspirations of Fourier’s Phalanx society clearly betray a backward-looking nostalgia. Thus, for example, Fourier set out the following prescription of employment diversity:

“At least seven-eighths of its members should be people involved in farming or industry. The remainder will consist of capitalists, savants and artists…The Phalanx would be poorly graduated and difficult to balance if, among its capitalists, there were several worth 100,000 francs and several worth 50,000 francs without any of intermediate wealth. In such circumstances, one should try to find men with fortunes of 60, 70, 80 and 90,000 francs. The most precisely graduated Phalanx yields the highest degree of social harmony and the greatest profits.”

Let us take a moment to revisit our mission statement, to wit: Acreopoli represent true 21st Century Cities of Tomorrow, and as such must blend a commitment to modern technology and global commerce with an exuberant attachment to the authentic experience of irrationality and inequality.

Employment diversity is key to the success of each Acreopolis. Fourier believed in a radical non-specialization, allowing Phalanx residents to change jobs every hour or two so as to stave of boredom, monotony or alienation. Given the current realities of the global economy, Acreopolis Enterprises has developed a modified, updated plan to ensure that Hoplites achieve maximum productivity while scratching each mechanizing passion in turn. To achieve this goal, Hoplites will perform jobs on a rotating basis for one year at a time, after which they will move on to a new job prescribed in advance.

The following list demonstrates a sample range of employment needs and specifies transitional professional opportunities following one year terms:

  • Architects: Architects will have limited use in Acreopolis, as all design work will be performed in advance of the city’s initial occupancy. Acreopolis Enterprises will allow for minor interior redesign projects on a limited basis, subject to review by the Acreopolis Planning Board, the Office of Alterations, the Office of Finance, the Department of Maintenance Control, and the Office of Permits and Licenses. All filed work must be approved within 3 years of filing. 1 Year transition to carpet cleaners.
  • Artists: Artists will be commissioned to produce public artworks and publications to further the goals and aspirations of Acreopolis. 1 Year transition to prostitutes.
  • Bakers: Bakers will utilize large collective oven/kilns that will be time-shared with potters. 1 Year transition to morticians.
  • Bankers: Bankers will be authorized to disperse money orders and IOUs in addition to standard financial vehicles. 1 Year transition to taxidermists.
  • Barbers: Barbers will cut the hair of men and boys using a complex system of razors. Hair longer than 1” will be discouraged, as barbers wielding scissors will be incompetent. 1 Year transition to bankers.
  • Bicycle Technicians: Bicycles will be discouraged, given the scale of Acreopoli, but stationary bikes will be permitted. 1 Year transition to pet store operators.
  • Butchers: Chickens only. No large animals will be raised. 1 Year transition to astronauts.
  • Construction workers: A limited number will be needed, as each Acreopolis will be completely built out. Renovation work and small repairs only. 1 Year transition to IT workers.
  • Distillers: Acreopoli will specialize in brown whiskeys only. 1 Year transition to ministers.
  • Dry cleaners: The clothes of Acreopolis will be wash and wear, obviating the need for dry cleaners.
  • Firemen: A vast number will be required, given the number of hot plates presumably in use by the homeless population. 1 Year transition to dancers.
  • Garment Workers: Garment workers will work on large wooden looms to conserve energy and cultivate a sense of sartorial authenticity among the people of Acreopoli. 1 Year transition to horticulturalists.
  • Hardware store operators: All hardware stores will provide a variety of metric Allen Wrenches that will be incompatible with all fixtures and appliances in Acreopolis. This will ensure full employment for trade workers. 1 Year transition to ditch diggers.
  • Information Technology Workers: IT professionals will be available 24 hours, 7 days a week. 1 Year transition to miners.
  • Miners: Miners will be responsible for excavating an underground network of tunnels for the disposal of garbage. 1 Year transition to balloonists.
  • Real Estate Brokers: Real Estate Brokers are strictly forbidden in Acreopolis and will be hanged if spotted. Each Acreopolis will be equipped with a public gallows expressly for this purpose.
  • Sanitation Workers: See miners.
  • Taxidermists: Stuffing of animals will be limited to roadkill. 1 Year transition to file clerks.
  • Urban Planners: Urban Planners will be required to sign the Acreopolis Pledge, committing to uphold the principles of the Founders at all times and at all costs. 1 year transition to pimps.
  • Woodworkers: Woodworkers will be limited to work in bamboo, and will provide bespoke, unique pieces affordable only to Bankers. 1 year transition to lawyers.

Daily Schedules

In his description of the Phalansteries, Fourier set out sample schedules for his citizens, demonstrating the diversity of daily activities. Here, for example, is a typical day for a worker named Lucas:

Phalanx: Lucas’ Day in June (circa 1827)                                                                                

3:30 Rising, preparations.
4:00 Session with a group assigned to the stables.
5:00 Session with a group of gardeners.
7:00 Breakfast.
7:30 Session with the reapers’ group.
9:30 Session with the vegetable-growers’ group, under a tent.
11:00 Session with the barnyard series.
1:00 Dinner.
2:00 Session with the forestry series.
4:00 Session with a manufacturing group.
6:00 Session with the irrigation series.
8:00 Session with the Exchange.
8:30 Supper.
9:00 Entertainment.
10:00 Bed.

Here, for the purposes of comparison and contrast, is a typical day for a modern Hoplite named Phil, currently working as a taxidermist.

Hoplite: Phil’s Day in September (circa 2027)

3:30 Wake up, have trouble going back to sleep.
4:00 Go back to sleep.
5:00 Wake up again, sleep fitfully until 7.
7:00 Rising, preparations
7:30 Breakfast.
7:35 Session at the Laundromat
9:30 Work session as taxidermist: forage for roadkill
11:00 Break for coffee/tea and random internet searches.
11:15 Work session: cleaning of roadkill
1:00 Lunch.
1:05 Work session: preparations for stuffing of roadkill.
2:00 Work session: stuffing of roadkill.
4:00 Sewing up of roadkill.
6:00 Career training: file clerk
8:00 Supper
9:00 Entertainment
10:00 Bed


Application for Hoplite Status and Permanent Residency in Acreopolis

Name and/or Alias:
Date of Birth:
Preferred Acreopolis Location (circle one):     East     Midwest     West
Marital Status:
Number of Children:
Current Occupation:
Current Income:
Technical skills (e.g. geothermal engineering):
Non-technical skills (e.g. hoeing):

Please answer all of the following questions in three words or fewer:

What is your opinion of the metric system?
What is your opinion of the nation of Canada?
What is your favorite color?
What is your opinion of social inequality?
Please describe Boyle’s Law as you understand it.
Are any members of your immediate family registered architects in any of the contiguous 48 states?
Do you own a bicycle?
Do you eat fish?
Please list any allergies.
In the space provided, please draw a picture of the apocalypse as you foresee it:

 

Please note that any information provided on this application can and will be used against you in a court of law. The completion of this document represents an unlimited authorization by Applicant to the lawful and unlawful distribution of all information contained herein, not excluding the unwarranted modification of information in advancement of purposes not disclosed, purposes disclosed, and purposes not defined in aforementioned provisions. Acreopolis Enterprises reserves the right to absolve itself of all responsibility and/or liability of an economic, legal, extra-legal, moral, ethical, pragmatic or sympathetic nature.

 


 Application for Acreopolis Investor Classes

Name and/or Alias:
Gross Net Worth:
Liquid Assets:
Investor Class Preference (see below):

Please answer all of the following questions in ten words of fewer:

Please list all the ways your money makes you unhappy:
Wouldn’t you be happier if you didn’t have the burden of so much money?:
Please list other prospective investors (ten word minimum not applicable):
In the space provided, please draw a picture of the Federal Reserve Chairwoman Janet Yellin.

 

Investor Classes:

Each Acreopolis investor prospectus details the requirements for becoming a part of the financial machine that will underwrite the construction and operations of the City of the Future. These classes are as follows:

  • Investor Class Alpha: $1 Billion minimum investment. Electronic Funds Transfer to offshore account only.
  • Investor Class Bravo: $1 Million minimum investment.
  • Investor Class Charlie: $100,000 minimum investment.
  • Investor Class Delta: $10,000 minimum investment.
  • Investor Class Echo: $1000 minimum investment.
  • Investor Class Foxtrot: $100 minimum investment.
  • Investor Class Golf: $10 minimum investment. Scratch-off lottery tickets only (unscratched).
  • Investor Class Hotel: $1.00 minimum investment. Cash only.

Investors are guaranteed aggressive ROIs based on the Daily Libor Rate published in the Wall Street Journal plus 4000 basis points, based on NPV calculations derived through the nonrefundable attribution of all principal contributions to Acreopolis Enterprises, which shall, at its sole discretion, elect to assume all liabilities and benefits of said principal contributions, waiving all recapture obligations in the event of Force Majeur, Acts of God, or any other event. Acreopolis Enterprises reserves the right to repurpose unrestricted assets to leverage alternative investments at any time.

Please note that any information provided on this application can and will be used against you in a court of law. The completion of this document represents an unlimited authorization by Applicant to the lawful and unlawful distribution of all information contained herein, not excluding the unwarranted modification of information in advancement of purposes not disclosed, purposes disclosed, and purposes not defined in aforementioned provisions. Acreopolis Enterprises reserves the right to absolve itself of all responsibility and/or liability of an economic, legal, extra-legal, moral, ethical, pragmatic or sympathetic nature.